I grew up playing sports, but I was always known as the "big" girl. When I was twelve, I joined a "diet club" with my mom and grandma and was surrounded by middle-aged women that all struggled with their weight. Although I eventually progressed to high school basketball, I struggled with confidence due to my lack of knowledge on how to properly fuel my body. This led to debilitating intestinal issues, anxiety, and ultimately resulted in me not making it through junior year tryouts. The coach dismissed me, and that was the end of my basketball days.

Throughout high school, I slept through most of my classes because I couldn't keep up. Poor food choices (like 10 candy bars a day and frozen burritos), along with the typical drama of teenage life, caused my weight to soar to 250 pounds on the day I graduated. I felt lonely and believed I would never find love as a fat woman.

However, my life took a turn after I had oral surgery the day after graduation. I could only eat jello and pudding for a few weeks, and as a result, I lost weight quickly. This was during the mid-90s, and the "fat-free" craze was at its height. So, I decided to follow that diet which lead to hormonal damage and continued physical and mental discomfort, but I did lose 100 pounds. This was the first of many attempts to control my weight.

Fast forward a few years, I escaped toxic relationships, went to college, met the man of my dreams, got married, and became comfortable. But through it all, I still had not learned how to live and maintain a significant weight loss. I eventually gained it all back and then some.

My husband and I struggled with infertility for six years and experienced an emotional rollercoaster every month. After being diagnosed with endometriosis and undergoing surgery, we finally conceived. Throughout my pregnancy I had to deal with hypertension, which put me on bed rest with nine weeks left in my pregnancy. By this time, I weighed almost 300 pounds. After the birth of our first child, I got pregnant again twelve months later.

After our second son was born, I knew I needed to change my lifestyle to physically keep up with our growing boys. I continued my weight loss journey again. I lost close to another 100 pounds, but my mental health suffered. I had debilitating panic attacks, and my already major intestinal disorder worsened. Additionally, I began reacting to food with airway restrictions, hives, and severe anxiety.

I became pregnant again soon after and saw the heartbeat at eight weeks. However, I began to spot around twelve weeks, and during an ultrasound, we no longer saw a beating heart. That loss was one of the most difficult experiences I had faced, and I ate my way through it. Eventually, we were blessed with another pregnancy that delivered our third boy. All of this happened within four years.

Our third son was born with what seemed like a  cold, and after many rounds of antibiotics, we ended up in the ER. A visiting doctor thought he was allergic to dairy, so I stopped eating it since I was breastfeeding. Within 24 hours, he was 90% better, and I felt better too. I continued to eliminate other foods and felt better physically but still suffered from poor mental health. I had an ER trip that I thought was a heart attack but turned out to be a panic attack. I began reacting to more and more foods, and my airway restrictions were terrifying. I essentially stopped eating, lost a lot of weight (the smallest I have ever been), and became isolated from life.

Over the past fifteen years, with God’s help I have learned so much about my body, genetics, hormones, and the importance of listening to your body's signals to thrive. Food is fuel for not only your body but also your mind. I am now at a healthy weight that I have learned how to successfully maintain.

I want to help others avoid a lifetime of weight struggles and find trust in living a life without food as their primary focus.

Remember that improving your relationship with food is a process, and it may take time and effort to make lasting changes. But with the right support and resources, you can learn to enjoy eating to optimally fuel your mind and body for life.